DroptheMask

March 20, 2011 Love is such an odd, yet beautiful concept in this crazy world that we live in.   It is amazing how one little word in the human language (in all languages and dialects, of course…) can have such a profound effect on all people…of all civilizations…throughout all of time.   Basically, every person has largely been on a life-long search for love . Period. Love makes the world go round and the love that is spread amongst others in this world and in every lifetime is strongly dependent upon the object in which the love is being applied to (as well as by whom is applying the love).   It is such a perplexing topic to ponder and it is probably one of the most (if not THE most) complex acts to fully commit to over time; yet, one of the simplest acts to “just go along with” in the beginning. Since the start of time, the human race has predominately lived and died for this one simple word of so many meanings.   Whether people choose to live (and/or die) for...

If I were given the option to be stricken with amnesia in order to forget the last year of my life; under certain circumstances, I often wonder which choice I would make… Although I know that each and every experience that I have gone through this last year-plus has helped to contribute to the person who I am today; I still at times wish that the pain that accompanied those experiences weren’t so deeply rooted into my emotions, as well.   In all reality, it is not really any specific experience that I regret—it is primarily just the emotional attachment and “bonds” to those people who I had shared certain experiences with that I wish I could just get rid of…or at least minimize at a somewhat quicker pace.   Throughout the last year, I have definitely met a ton of people; however, many of them I unfortunately no longer am in contact with (for some reason or another…); and when it comes to some of those people, I still often feel a tinge of pain when the thought of them comes...

For the second night in a row, my ex-husband would not allow my 2 ½ year old son to call me so I could tell him goodnight and I love him.  After countless texts and voicemails to his and his new wife’s phones; I still received no call from my little boy.  However, earlier today when I texted my ex about the house situation (with the mention of a possible lawyer’s involvement), he then decided to give me a call and “update” on that whole ordeal; but, when I quickly changed the subject to the issue of speaking with my son, he only tried to turn the tables by accusing me of calling him a “horrible dad” (when in reality, I actually told him that he was a great dad to our son; but just a horrible person to me, and in general…).  In addition, my ex also thought that it would be useful to let me know that he always has our divorce papers handy; and according to the papers, he only has to provide a “voicemail” for me to leave a message for my son “when I want to.” Ridiculously, ...

I am tired of always making excuses for others.  For so long, I have tried to see the best in others and try to come up with some reason or another of why they treat other human beings so wrongly.  Whether it has been my ex-husband (who I am finally beginning to realize has absolutely no conscience or remorse for what he has done at all) or other people I encounter (specifically men who I have met within the last year or so)—I am actually starting to see that a lot of people are just not inherently “good,” like I have naively thought for so long now.  I am not perfect and I make absolutely no claim to be; yet, I have always tried to “put myself in others shoes” in order to see where they are coming from or to understand why they act in certain ways toward myself and others.  And even though I am continually hurt by some of the same conscienceless people time and time again—I still have continued to give them the benefit of the doubt—even though I probably shouldn’t ...

It’s been almost a week and a half since my last entry and the entire time that I haven’t written has been nothing but pure busyness; as well as several random encounters with some people from my not-so-distant past (with whom I thought I would never speak with again…).  Work has kept my time very limited and that has, in effect, caused everything else in my life to be on nothing but a tight schedule.  However, even in all of the busyness and run-around of the last week and a half—I have still been able to spend some quality time with my son and also socialize quite a bit with friends.  Last Saturday was an odd day which began at 7:30am with a text message from my ex-husband telling me to get the rest of my belongings out of our old home in order for him and his new wife to be able to begin moving in and “making it their own”—thus, my initial plan of sleeping in was completely obliterated and it was instead replaced with a good 4 hours of cleaning my old home for a man w...

“I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude.”   ~Unknown Well today was a lot better than the last few days that I have had—primarily because I have forced myself to undergo an attitude adjustment ….for the better.   The last few weeks, I had just seemed to sink into somewhat of a disheartened mood and depressed mindset largely due to my involvement with petty issues over trivial matters and disadvantageous relationships with others.   Because of my recent life speed bumps , I had foolishly regarded my current state in life as incredibly destructive, and I just seemed to shut down my mind and many of my emotions, as a result.   I viewed my present problems as being the end of the world for me and my frame of reference was completely skewed and awfully immature.   And, in a way, I am actually somewhat embarrassed now about how upset I allowed myself to get over everything.   When in reality, this time last year, my en...

The past few days have been a bit of a whirlwind…well, actually I guess this past month can pretty much be summed up as just that—a whirlwind .   Between work, my move, my personal relationships/friendships with others, school, and just life, in general—I feel like every day has been absolutely non-stop for me.   Life just seems to be zooming by as quickly as ever.   This past month has had quite a bit of ups and downs for me, not only due to the one year anniversary of the separation from my husband (and other drama that ensued at that time); but also due to other relationship/friendship troubles that I’ve had with other recent people in my life.   Over the past few weeks specifically, I have been going in and out of bouts of loneliness and despair.   I’m not exactly sure why I have been so “down” lately since I have actually had somewhat of a low-key month—especially compared to my life events of last year—however, I almost feel as if I am now experiencing a ...