DroptheMask

“This blog is about my search for "me". I plan to attempt to "drop the mask" of my insecurity, fakeness, and societal pressures in order to bear my heart and soul and discover who I REALLY AM, rather than who I am SUPPOSED to be in others' eyes. Because until We Drop the Masks and all have faces, we will never truly know how wonderful life really is.” --DroptheMask blog profile, 1/6/11 Since I began my first blog, nearly nine months ago today, so much change has transpired in my life—both good and bad. The primary reason for the beginning of my blog so many months ago now was in order to create a healthy emotional outlet for all of the various life changes that I was going through. Since the start of my “DroptheMask” blog on January 6, 2011, I have lived through shock over the start of my ex-husband’s new life, several family deaths, countless petty heartbreaks, numerous adventures, confusing new relationships with old and new people, and the beginning of my

August 16, 2011 I am currently on the way to hawaii with my soon to be husband and true love of my life. Although our quickly-paced budding romance and "story" has been anything but "ordinary" in others' eyes; our profound love for one another has no doubt grown extremely strong and been absolutely true. And over the last four months of our whirlwind love, we had definitely heard and felt the surprise from many, the wrath of a few, and tough questions about our actual love for one another from several--including eachother. However, much to our enjoyment, our new love has not only survived through the fire of our trials; but it has also flourished and grown deeper and stronger, as a result. As we now traverse across the country and several time zones, I now feel more reassured and at peace than ever about my decision to allow my heart to follow its proper course to fall in love with my best friend and the man of my dreams. And the incidents of this past we

“Life is like a box of chocolates—you never know what you are gonna get.”—Forrest Gump.   I haven’t really “written” in quite a few months. As my life has continued to oddly wind down so many paths of uncertainty; I have been extremely busy and in a way kind of hiding from the reality of my situation.   The truth is, I am more in love now with my life and family than I have ever been before and I want to share my happiness with the entire world—yet, I know that much of my happiness has come to fruition because of the pain I have caused to others—and as much as I would like to just ignore it…I can’t.   If I ignore the reality of what had transpired then I am ultimately not being truthful or fair to myself or others—and I know that is no way to live.   As much as the truth hurts, it still must be acknowledged, told, and ultimately accepted.    Ever since my life has changed for the better, I have felt convicted to share how the love of my life and I initially came together. He was a cl

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” –Pericles Each and every day we encounter new people in our lives. While some may be engrained in our thoughts as we ponder on the day’s past activities; others may possibly never cross our minds ever again.   But what is interesting to think about are those people—whether they are complete strangers or close loved ones—who just happen to stick in our minds and stay in our hearts for one particular reason or another.        The great Greek statesman, general, and orator, Pericles (495-429 BC), once stated, “What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”   Often referred to as “the first citizen of Athens ”, Pericles promoted the arts and literature and ruled Athenian society during the city’s Golden Age.   He was also primarily responsible for fostering Athenian democracy and building the foundations of the Acr

May 31, 2011 “Good morning, baby…I love you so much”—Just like every other glorious morning spent with the love of my life—today’s sweet words whispered in my ear were no different than any other.   Every morning for the last two months I have been experiencing an absolute dream come true.   Each day I have had the blessed opportunity to both fall asleep   and wake up next to my soul mate and best friend—and it has been complete perfection.   However, early this morning, complete perfection was surpassed when I lived what every girl dreams of and wishes her entire life for—today, I was asked to spend the rest of my life with the man of my dreams.   I experienced the perfect marriage proposal from my one true love. This entire weekend leading up to this morning was an absolutely perfect one spent with several family and friends.   We all had a complete blast with one another and the time that my love and I spent together was a dream, like always.   Every moment spent with those we lo

A great Greek philosopher named Epictetus (AD 55-AD 135) was once recorded as saying, "There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will."   His philosophy was rooted in his belief that although life is ultimately controlled by fate; individuals still have the ability and freedom to choose how they react to every fateful life situation they encounter. Being raised and traded as a slave in his early life and then crippled in his later years; Epictetus thus decided early on that he, alone, was the only one who could determine his life’s level of happiness and worry.   In comparison to Epictetus’ life and times, happiness seems so elusive to many people in this world of ours.   For some reason or another, the human race has always seemed to have issues (both minor and major) when it comes to the simple enjoyment and sheer pleasure of everyday life and living.   Regrettably, the act of worrying about matters be

In today’s world, gratitude and appreciation are often concepts that fall by the wayside during the chaos of everyday life and routines.   We all, for the most part, realize that life is a special gift and that the relationships that we foster within our daily living are something to be valued.   However, many of us also find ourselves far too busy to take the time to sit down, think, and truly assess and appreciate the countless aspects of all of the precious gifts we have in each of our lives. Unfortunately, we are not awaken to many of our lives’ blessings until something tragic or uncomfortable takes place—until we are faced with the possibility that we may lose the very blessings which we never truly realized we had in the first place.   Many times, it is only then—when life seems that it is at its toughest—that relationships, situations, and life, itself, actually seem to recapture their true meanings and really make sense again.   Sadly, it is in those times of confusion and p

It’s been nearly one month since the last time I blogged and, like always, so much has happened.   Once again, life always has a funny way of teaching us lessons which we never thought we would ever learn or even understand—and sometimes in the most peculiar ways.   Within the last 30 days or so, I have surprisingly found my soul mate and fallen in love in ways I never knew existed; and during the process, I have also discovered more about myself than I had ever dreamed possible. Through fate (and complex life situations), I have been blessed in the rare occasion of falling in love with my best friend and complete soul mate.   Without any manipulation of situations, others, or myself, I have been unknowingly and perfectly paired with the love of my life—all while neither of us even saw it coming.   Although we have “known of” one another for the last four years and have been relatively close acquaintances/friends over the last year or so; it has only been the last few months since we

May 9, 2011 It’s been nearly one month since the last time I blogged and, like always, so much has happened.   Once again, life always has a funny way of teaching us lessons which we never thought we would ever learn or even understand—and sometimes in the most peculiar ways.   Within the last 30 days or so, I have surprisingly found my soul mate and fallen in love in ways I never knew existed; and during the process, I have also discovered more about myself than I had ever dreamed possible. Through fate (and complex life situations), I have been blessed in the rare occasion of falling in love with my best friend and complete soul mate.   Without any manipulation of situations, others, or myself, I have been unknowingly and perfectly paired with the love of my life—all while neither of us even saw it coming.   Although we have “known of” one another for the last four years and have been relatively close acquaintances/friends over the last year or so; it has only been the last few month

April 14, 2011 “Life’s truest happiness is found in friendships we make along the way.” ~ Unknown It has always been amazing to me how much of a difference only one person can make in someone else’s life—both for the better and for the worse.   Just a simple smile, an open ear, or a willing heart at times has the ability to change one’s life forever.   As human beings, we were emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually designed for companionship and connection with other people.   We were surely not designed to stay quiet, closed up, or shut out and away from those who are so much like ourselves—that would be absolute hell on earth for anybody to endure.   Yes, I admit that it is vital for people to also have a certain amount of “alone time” in order to gather their thoughts and figure their own selves out in due time; however, once that self-awareness (and etc.) are found in one’s life, then it is time again to be reunited with other individuals.   In my own life, I am very

“I’m sorry that it had to come to this.” --February 2, 2010 That was the single text and only explanation that I have ever received from my now ex-husband on the night that he left me for someone else.   As soon as I had read those words, I knew that my life was about to change forever.   Everything that I had ever known and depended on in my life was on the very brink of alteration—all through the simple transmission of those nine heart-breaking words.    As soon as I laid my eyes on my phone screen, I collapsed into the fetal position on my floor—out of breath and in complete shock.  Even at that point, I knew it was over.   Once I regained enough energy to speak, I let out a wail of grief and hate toward him and everything good that I thought he once stood for.   At that moment, I hated him and everything about him for what he was about to put myself, our families, and especially our son through.   I full-heartedly admit that I was not the best wife, mother, or person ever—but, wh

Lately I have felt as if I don’t really belong anywhere, in particular.   Almost as if I am constantly just straddling the fence of life among the many different groups of friends, acquaintances, family members, and “life titles/roles.”   I just don’t seem to “fit in” with one particular group of people at all.   When I hang out with married friends I feel like the odd one out because I am divorced.   With my young, single friends I am the one with a child.   When I was in school, I was the one who had already graduated and who was there “just for fun.”   At work, I am seen as one of the “supervisors,” so not really trusted whole-heartedly.   And in my family, I am just seen as unsettled and confused.   Everywhere and anywhere I go, I am never “one of them”—I am always the “other.” This past weekend, I went to a birthday party for one of my sister’s friends and seemed to initially “blend in” with the crowd.   I have known many of her friends for several years now; so most of the time

My son is one of the most incredible creatures I have ever known.   Although he often drives me completely nuts; I know that his craziness most likely stems from his amazingly magnetic personality and gigantic heart of love. I have always been the type of person to rush through every part of my life—both good and bad—I am terrible at “living in the moment”; yet, lately every time I am with my son, time cannot seem to slow down quick enough for me to enjoy every millisecond that I have with him.   Due to my unfortunate parenting custody situation, I have had to become a “part-time parent” in order for my son to enjoy both of his parents in his life.   I would never want him to miss out on the experiences that only a father and son can share together, so I unwillingly agree to part with my son every other week in order to follow the terms of our 60/40 parenting plan.   However, the shortened amount of time that I now am forced to spend with my wonderful son has actually become somewha

I haven’t written in my blog for quite awhile and I am not sure of the ultimate reason why…I don’t really know if I can attribute my “lack of writing credit” to my lack of initiative, ultimate shyness, inevitable busyness, outright shame, or just pure laziness—but, for whatever reason, I have not been held very accountable to my writing and/or “venting process” like I ultimately should have been.   Although I am a fairly open person regarding many personal details of my life (primarily when I am writing in my blog, talking to a complete stranger, or drinking in a bar with a somewhat close friend…), I also often try to pretend that the sometimes intimate conversations discussed never happened afterward.   Many times, once I let somebody “see the real me” or “into my heart,” I then fear finding out what the person actually does think about me—as an actual “individual”—whether the feedback about me is good or bad.   For some reason or another, I am just so scared to know what people trul

I have never been a quitter.   Just about anything and everything that I have ever started, I have followed through with and finished in the end.   Whether it be school, sports, hobbies, or my marriage—once I say that I am fully committing myself to something—then I remain fully committed until the end—regardless of what unforeseen changes may come along the way.   I. Never. Quit…At least I never used to quit—but, now I am beginning to realize that in certain situations quitting may actually be the right decision to make and action to pursue.   For I am learning, that it is better to be a “happy quitter” then a “miserable finisher”.   In the past, my pride (for the most part) had always seemed to keep my actions from following many of my heart’s desires to quit certain endeavors or relationships in which I was obligated to.   I do not regret any of the decisions or actions of my past; however, now I am coming to the realization that both situations and people change—and I am neither e