DroptheMask

“I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude.”   ~Unknown Well today was a lot better than the last few days that I have had—primarily because I have forced myself to undergo an attitude adjustment ….for the better.   The last few weeks, I had just seemed to sink into somewhat of a disheartened mood and depressed mindset largely due to my involvement with petty issues over trivial matters and disadvantageous relationships with others.   Because of my recent life speed bumps , I had foolishly regarded my current state in life as incredibly destructive, and I just seemed to shut down my mind and many of my emotions, as a result.   I viewed my present problems as being the end of the world for me and my frame of reference was completely skewed and awfully immature.   And, in a way, I am actually somewhat embarrassed now about how upset I allowed myself to get over everything.   When in reality, this time last year, my en...

The past few days have been a bit of a whirlwind…well, actually I guess this past month can pretty much be summed up as just that—a whirlwind .   Between work, my move, my personal relationships/friendships with others, school, and just life, in general—I feel like every day has been absolutely non-stop for me.   Life just seems to be zooming by as quickly as ever.   This past month has had quite a bit of ups and downs for me, not only due to the one year anniversary of the separation from my husband (and other drama that ensued at that time); but also due to other relationship/friendship troubles that I’ve had with other recent people in my life.   Over the past few weeks specifically, I have been going in and out of bouts of loneliness and despair.   I’m not exactly sure why I have been so “down” lately since I have actually had somewhat of a low-key month—especially compared to my life events of last year—however, I almost feel as if I am now experiencing a ...

It is amazing to me how life is merely just one long chain of events, dependent upon each and every decision one makes in their own lives—each and every day they live.   As I sit and think about different situations I have been through in my own life, as well as the innumerable ways in which my own life’s events have affected others’ lives—I begin to feel so inadequate and helpless when it comes down to the grand scheme of things.   Admittedly, life’s complex yet incredibly simple interconnectedness never ceases to amaze me. A single day in one individual’s life, alone, is full of so many moving parts that it would be extremely difficult—if not completely impossible—to keep track of that one person’s innermost thoughts, actions, emotions, effects on others, and etc., even for that short period of time which encompasses only one day.   On some days, I am not sure how I even feel about certain situations in my own life—yet, regardless of how I perceive my own life’s even...

Tonight, as I was returning home from the bookstore and revisiting the past week’s events in my mind; I began to note a common theme of catching up weaved throughout my life’s last 7-8 days.   Since I was out of town for my cousin’s bachelorette cruise the previous week; my current week began in a whirlwind as I tried to catch-up on all of the work that I had missed.   Then oddly enough, over the days that followed, I also seemed to arrange quite a bit of other catching up with several different people in my life, many of whom I had actually not seen in quite some time. This entire week began with my planning to meet up with a friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in almost an entire year; and although we tried to plan a meeting to catch up just about every day he was in town, despite our best attempts—no meet-up was ever accomplished.   On Wednesday, a pretty random friend of mine (who I seemed to have formed an on-and-off friendship with) contacted me to see how my cru...

No Beauty Appears Although the sun shines brightly outside now And all flock to feel the warmth provided The beauty of the day deserves a bow But my heart’s pain remains still divided How I know that I should enjoy the day I’ll wipe my tears so that no one will see But my heaviness of hurt still won’t fade I just don’t comprehend why we can’t be   Beauty surrounds us every day I know   I should be thankful of what we once had   But my pain of losing you always shows   And Still I can’t move on and just be glad  No sun can mend my heart nor dry my tears When Life’s without you, no beauty appears

Although my Sunday has been solely devoted to my school studies; I have still managed to learn a vital lesson in being alone .   Surprisingly, I have spent the entire day and night by myself—with very little contact with others (even via phone)—and it has actually been an incredibly relaxing and very much needed experience.   Since I lived at home during college and only then moved out of my parent’s house once I married—at the very young age of 21—I had never truly experienced living on my own —until now.   As a result, I seemed to have missed out on that vital stage of life where I was supposed to learn how to just appreciate the inherent value in being alone —physically, mentally, and emotionally.   Prior to the recent move to my apartment, I had always tried to just be around others—regardless of whether I had actually enjoyed spending time with them or not—simply to avoid being physically alone.   I believe that my fear of being physically alone stemmed f...

Well, after several conversations with a few of my close friends and a thorough re-read of my latest blog entry from the other night; I have felt somewhat compelled to try to clear up some of the confusion that my words may have caused for some… (1.)   I probably should have used the word many or some or any other word—rather than most —to describe the number of people who are shallow and greedy egotists.   Because obviously, judging by some of the comments I have recently received from some friends, most is too strong of a word to use in the description of others who are and/or have been in my life.   Apparently, the word just seems to have had a very negative connotation attached to it and as a result, it seems to have over-generalized far more that I had originally intended it to do. (2.)   I have to admit that I am indeed an egotist , as well.   I say this, primarily because I think that we are all egotistical individuals from time to time—unfortu...