DroptheMask

“I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude.”   ~Unknown Well today was a lot better than the last few days that I have had—primarily because I have forced myself to undergo an attitude adjustment ….for the better.   The last few weeks, I had just seemed to sink into somewhat of a disheartened mood and depressed mindset largely due to my involvement with petty issues over trivial matters and disadvantageous relationships with others.   Because of my recent life speed bumps , I had foolishly regarded my current state in life as incredibly destructive, and I just seemed to shut down my mind and many of my emotions, as a result.   I viewed my present problems as being the end of the world for me and my frame of reference was completely skewed and awfully immature.   And, in a way, I am actually somewhat embarrassed now about how upset I allowed myself to get over everything.   When in reality, this time last year, my entire life was in absolute

The past few days have been a bit of a whirlwind…well, actually I guess this past month can pretty much be summed up as just that—a whirlwind .   Between work, my move, my personal relationships/friendships with others, school, and just life, in general—I feel like every day has been absolutely non-stop for me.   Life just seems to be zooming by as quickly as ever.   This past month has had quite a bit of ups and downs for me, not only due to the one year anniversary of the separation from my husband (and other drama that ensued at that time); but also due to other relationship/friendship troubles that I’ve had with other recent people in my life.   Over the past few weeks specifically, I have been going in and out of bouts of loneliness and despair.   I’m not exactly sure why I have been so “down” lately since I have actually had somewhat of a low-key month—especially compared to my life events of last year—however, I almost feel as if I am now experiencing a weariness of life , in a

It is amazing to me how life is merely just one long chain of events, dependent upon each and every decision one makes in their own lives—each and every day they live.   As I sit and think about different situations I have been through in my own life, as well as the innumerable ways in which my own life’s events have affected others’ lives—I begin to feel so inadequate and helpless when it comes down to the grand scheme of things.   Admittedly, life’s complex yet incredibly simple interconnectedness never ceases to amaze me. A single day in one individual’s life, alone, is full of so many moving parts that it would be extremely difficult—if not completely impossible—to keep track of that one person’s innermost thoughts, actions, emotions, effects on others, and etc., even for that short period of time which encompasses only one day.   On some days, I am not sure how I even feel about certain situations in my own life—yet, regardless of how I perceive my own life’s events—my simple o

Tonight, as I was returning home from the bookstore and revisiting the past week’s events in my mind; I began to note a common theme of catching up weaved throughout my life’s last 7-8 days.   Since I was out of town for my cousin’s bachelorette cruise the previous week; my current week began in a whirlwind as I tried to catch-up on all of the work that I had missed.   Then oddly enough, over the days that followed, I also seemed to arrange quite a bit of other catching up with several different people in my life, many of whom I had actually not seen in quite some time. This entire week began with my planning to meet up with a friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in almost an entire year; and although we tried to plan a meeting to catch up just about every day he was in town, despite our best attempts—no meet-up was ever accomplished.   On Wednesday, a pretty random friend of mine (who I seemed to have formed an on-and-off friendship with) contacted me to see how my cruise had gone;

No Beauty Appears Although the sun shines brightly outside now And all flock to feel the warmth provided The beauty of the day deserves a bow But my heart’s pain remains still divided How I know that I should enjoy the day I’ll wipe my tears so that no one will see But my heaviness of hurt still won’t fade I just don’t comprehend why we can’t be   Beauty surrounds us every day I know   I should be thankful of what we once had   But my pain of losing you always shows   And Still I can’t move on and just be glad  No sun can mend my heart nor dry my tears When Life’s without you, no beauty appears

Although my Sunday has been solely devoted to my school studies; I have still managed to learn a vital lesson in being alone .   Surprisingly, I have spent the entire day and night by myself—with very little contact with others (even via phone)—and it has actually been an incredibly relaxing and very much needed experience.   Since I lived at home during college and only then moved out of my parent’s house once I married—at the very young age of 21—I had never truly experienced living on my own —until now.   As a result, I seemed to have missed out on that vital stage of life where I was supposed to learn how to just appreciate the inherent value in being alone —physically, mentally, and emotionally.   Prior to the recent move to my apartment, I had always tried to just be around others—regardless of whether I had actually enjoyed spending time with them or not—simply to avoid being physically alone.   I believe that my fear of being physically alone stemmed from my fear of being bot

Well, after several conversations with a few of my close friends and a thorough re-read of my latest blog entry from the other night; I have felt somewhat compelled to try to clear up some of the confusion that my words may have caused for some… (1.)   I probably should have used the word many or some or any other word—rather than most —to describe the number of people who are shallow and greedy egotists.   Because obviously, judging by some of the comments I have recently received from some friends, most is too strong of a word to use in the description of others who are and/or have been in my life.   Apparently, the word just seems to have had a very negative connotation attached to it and as a result, it seems to have over-generalized far more that I had originally intended it to do. (2.)   I have to admit that I am indeed an egotist , as well.   I say this, primarily because I think that we are all egotistical individuals from time to time—unfortunately, that’s just huma

“What most people need to learn in life is how to love people and use things instead of using people and loving things.” ~Unknown The more people I continue to meet throughout my adult life; the more of an understanding I am beginning to acquire about the concepts of human nature, self-interest, and individualism.   I don’t want to sound like a cynical or a bitter person; but, I am inevitably starting to come to my own conclusion, that the majority of the adult world primarily only seems to consist of shallow, greedy, and self-centered egotists—rather than plain-old vanilla genuine folks.   I used to think that maybe the continual stream of narcissists that I kept encountering was primarily due to the venues where I was initially meeting them; however, I am unfortunately coming to the realization that most people, regardless of our initial meeting place, just seem to be out there searching only for other individuals who can meet some specific need for them at some specific time i

February 14, 2011 The people who you truly treasure in your life (family, friends, and/or even acquaintances) should be appreciated, loved, and reminded of your feelings for them DAILY—regardless of the date on the calendar.   No one is promised tomorrow and not a single person has any clue when their last breath on this earth will be.   So, why wait to share your heart with those who are ON your heart at that very moment you are with them—rather than waiting to share your feelings with them later—when it potentially may be too late to tell them how much you truly care for them.   Valentine’s Day never really was a huge holiday for me to “celebrate.”   I don’t mean to sound cynical about love or condescending toward those who are actually obsessed with the holiday; I just personally believe that Valentine’s Day has become far too overrated—primarily because of what we have {unfortunately} morphed it into.   Although I think that the “true love” ideas and intentions behind the actual h

I am currently on my way back home from my cousin’s bachelorette party cruise to the Bahamas—and I actually had an absolutely amazing time!   Although I was initially dreading the cruise prior to our departure because of my current move and other recent life-stressors; I have now come to realize that a vacation from my life and my troubles was exactly what I had needed all along.   The timing of the cruise honestly could not have come at a better time in my life.   Overall, the Bachelorette Party was a fun-filled getaway in which I gratefully came to discover two great life lessons: (1) “all-girl” trips and hangouts are a “necessity” and a ton of fun and (2) life can be just as exciting and enjoyable as I choose for it to be…regardless of what other life “stressors” may be happening in my life at whichever particular moment in time.   These past few days in paradise truly provided the perfect opportunity for me to relax and allow my mind to just melt away into a carefree and peace-fil

Bon Voyage!   I am currently on my way to a weekend of fun on a cruise to the Bahamas!   Although I was initially frustrated about the timing of the trip; after several conversations with some close friends of mine, I have come to the realization that this cruise will be the perfect opportunity to just escape all of my current life stresses.   My recent “mental breakdown” the other day was a compilation of several stressful events in my life; however, I am starting to learn that everything eventually comes to an end—and that fortunately also includes the “end” of the more difficult times of our lives, as well. Last night I was able to spend some time with a close friend of mine who I haven’t really hung out with since our “road trip” the last week of December; so, it was a great night filled with “catching up” and meaningful conversation.   In our conversation, we basically just caught up with all that has happened in the last month of each other’s lives, as well as where we thought w

“Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality but an escape from personality. But, of course, only those who have personality and emotion know what it means to want to escape from these” -Emily Dickinson Lately, I have been mentally bombarded with so many thoughts and tasks that I have to “get done” or have to “get over.”   These past few weeks of my life have just been gradually building up to a classic “mental breakdown” for me.   All of my emotions that I have been suppressing over the news of my father in law’s passing, my ex-husband’s new life, my new living situation (and all of the paperwork that moving requires), my complicated friend situations, my “transformation” to the “new-old me,” my daily work stresses, in general, and a myriad of other issues that have been plaguing me; have all just seemed to build up to my ultimate breaking point today. Like always, I have continued to keep piling on stress after stress

This will now be the 4 th time that I have attempted to write a blog entry within the last five days.   Although I have had the urge to write all weekend and have had ideas flowing through my mind like crazy about what I have wanted to write about; I have not been able to actually sit down, begin writing and then finish what I had started to write.   I have saved every single entry that I have begun writing over the last few days…some ranging in length from half a page to almost three pages; however, there has just not been a feeling of “completion” in any of them. I don’t know exactly what it is that is wrong with me lately…I mean I pretty much have a general idea why I feel so “wishy-washy” about so many things the past week or so—but, I think that the primary reason why I have felt so restless about myself and my blogging is because I have been somewhat “down” about all that has happened within the last month or so of my life.   Unfortunately, I am also guilty of trying to hide eve

“Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted.” ~ Unknown So far, today has been a pretty bittersweet one.   And it is definitely beginning to establish its place in my mind as a day of long-awaited, yet painful change for two reasons.   The first reason for my bittersweet day is due to my move from my house.   This entire week I have been rushing around trying to get all of my paperwork and belongings together for my move to my apartment today and this weekend.   Yet, as excited as I am about the new change and my new home; I am still feeling that all too-common tinge of heartache when I think about leaving my memories and once “ideal and perfect home” of 3 ½ years.   This morning, it was such an odd feeling I had as I drove out of my neighborhood with the thought that “today” would be the very last day that I will ever drive down these roads to get to work.   And even as annoying as the current