DroptheMask

For thousands of years now, different people of every time and society have been searching for meaning and asking the same “big life” questions that we have all pondered at one time or another in our own lives.   Yet sadly, we—like the millions of other people before us and I’m sure also after us—are always far “too busy” to ever stop and take any time out of our day to at least attempt to find any genuine or worthwhile answers to those “big life” questions.   So, thanks to our daily concerns, routines, and responsibilities, we grudgingly “accept the fact” that we really don’t have the time, or the luxury, to sit and ponder such “trivial issues” as the meaning of life—but perhaps later...thus, we then continue on in our fast-paced lifestyles, all while our souls and minds quietly scream with a restless desire to just experience something meaningful for once.   And often, as a result, the search for our life’s meaning is often stalled or ended completely…all while we just ...

Since today is the official “One Year Anniversary” since my life had changed; I had been debating with myself over whether or not I should share the “details” on my blog about what exactly had happened that fateful night one year ago.   Although I think that it is important for other people to really understand where a person comes from in order to truly understand where they are today; unfortunately, I also think that people often do judge others based on their pasts--regardless of how amazing a person is in their life now.    I definitely want to be completely honest and open on my blog about what has happened in my life and what I have learned from it—especially since this entire blog endeavor began as a way for me to “purge everything” that was in me…however, I also do not want others to be hurt by what I write or to place any additional blame or burden on my ex-husband, myself, or any other involved parties because of what had happened.   The fa...

February 1, 2010.   Exactly one year ago today my life was EXACTLY how I had planned for it to be.   I was married, had a baby, owned a home, had a full-time job, had earned an MBA, and had just paid off all of my family’s debt four days before.   According to my overly-detailed excel spreadsheet of my budget and life timeline; I was “right on schedule” when it came to my life’s “success projections and milestones.”   But little did I know that everything would drastically change the following evening… Often, in the study of an historical event or in an attempt to make sense of a tragic situation in one’s life; the method of ‘studying the time period prior to the event or tragic situation taking place’ is sometimes employed.   The reason to study the ‘time period prior to a change’ is usually in order to investigate the “way things used to be,” or to try to “figure out where it all went wrong.”   Yet, regardless of the reason why we choose to search back...

“…knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” ~James 1:3 Earlier today I was having a very difficult time writing about anything that had occurred over the last few days. Although I had been yearning to sit down and write about my feelings and situations for quite some time now; my mind was just not functioning the way it should be and the way it usually did. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was too distracted by some of the other things going on in my life or because it just wasn’t the “right time” for me to write. However, after some time of reflection, introspection, and prayer, I believe that now is the “right” time for my heart to share and thoughts to flow freely. Since my last blog entry, four days ago, I have since had my 26th birthday, sadly (yet responsibly) returned my new puppy back to the pet shop, somewhat resolved my “complicated dilemma” with my close friend, and had a very emotional “heart to heart” with my mother in law. Thus, these past few days ...

"Im coming to understand that 'acceptance' is the most difficult thing to actually 'accept' in life... : /" - me. Tomorrow will be my 26 th Birthday and it will mark the ending of one of the most challenging years of my life and essentially the closing of my “Quarter-Life Crisis.”   I find myself in a very somber mood right now, primarily because of the actual calendar date and the pending close to my year of emotional, mental, and spiritual breakdown and awakening, in a sense.   However, I also feel somber and quite uneasy about a decision I have to make regarding the potential end to a fairly close, yet complicated, friendship of mine.   My life has been so weird since I turned 25 years old—a year ago tomorrow—and I am somewhat torn on how I am supposed to feel about all of it actually coming to an end.   On one hand, I cannot wait for this year to be over with and gone; but, on the other hand, I feel as if such a huge part of myself—both old and new—are al...

Well, the last time I wrote my blog was last Wednesday and I was in a very emotional and vulnerable state of mind. Needless to say, I am now doing much better and a lot of new things have happened in my life within the last week.   Of course, I know how much life can change in a week, so some of the drastic changes that have happened are really not all that surprising to me. Since my father in law’s funeral and my conversation with my ex-husband’s new wife and family, (on January 15 th ), I have felt a continual peace within my spirit.   I believe that I have come close to the realization that life will not always be perfect or fair; but, it will always turn out “ok” in the end…especially when I know that God is in control of it all.   The only constant in life is change and if we fear change then we essentially fear life.   I admit that any kind of Change is frightening; but it is also extremely exciting in its own right.   And this last week, the changes that...

Today was a somewhat odd day for me. I started out on a pretty high note and in an extremely cheerful mood. I had successfully sold every piece of furniture on Monday on Craigslist and I had created my “new room and bathroom” exactly the way I wanted it. Needless to say, I felt extremely accomplished and satisfied with my weekend’s work. Then, the day seemed to get better when I successfully managed to have a “normal” conversation with my ex-husband about our house/short sale/foreclosure/etc. situation. Long story short, I may be moving into an apartment within the next 3-4 months and my credit may be completely restored to its prior glory! However, as I headed to school for class tonight, I began to feel a bit somber and depressed. I don’t really feel like writing everything out at this moment; but I think I’m quickly becoming over-stressed and hurt over my following life circumstances: my classes this semester; my father in law’s passing and my ex’s new life; dealing with my family...